May 22, 2006
may two four
The vacation stretches out just a little longer because of May two four holiday, traditionally a celebration of Queen Victoria’s birthday, but in modern times just an excuse to take two-fours of beers into the woods and drink them. So Toronto is extra-quiet and I am skipping out on the mosquitoes and dirt and cold this year in order to get ready to get back on the path towards gainful employment.
Now I don’t want to jinx my job search by displaying it on the internet for everyone to see but I do have a couple of final interviews this week… I’ll leave it at that. Still hustling…. I’ll let you know when I know.
There was lots of time on the bus to ponder the perspective gained through a little travelling. I left Toronto feeling anxious about my future. Coming back I feel a lot more confident. Witnessing Julie create her destiny in New York City was inspiring. If Julie can do it, then so can I. The only thing that prevents me from meeting my destiny is my own anxiety and fear. These are obviously useless mental roadblocks which I am happy to ignore.
Everyone in New York wanted to know if I was living in New York, and if I wasn’t, when I would be moving there. Honestly, the possibilities there are far beyond anywhere else in North America as far as fashion goes. Hopeful young things like me go to New York all the time, looking for their big break. All sorts of opportunities exist there for young talent ready to hustle against the odds. It takes a very strong personality and a great deal of persistence, and basically a great deal of money makes it a lot easier. The point is that there is a chance that you could be big-time in New York like nowhere else on the continent. But how fast does a poor kid from Canada like me have to run just to stay in the game? Do I have the necessary drive?
Do I really want to be a big-shot? When I close my eyes and try to imagine my destiny, it’s an amorphous haze. There’s no certain desire to be a creative director for a big company or even definite goal to own my own company. There’s no specific material possessions that I want. Everyone wants me to follow my dreams but my dreams are awfully vague at this point.
What I do know: I love fashion. I am fascinated by processes – how things are made, how things are run, and how things work. Acquiring and using skills is my greatest joy. I’ve never regretted learning something new. I am ready to get working and gain experience. Maybe in the light of the real working world a plan will become clear.
So the time has come to take my little portfolio out there. I want to understand my industry, and eventually discover where I fit in. I am open to trying out new opportunities as they come. I think I’m going to be all right.