May 4, 2009
just a thought – gaining consciousness
Recently I was asked to fill out an interview which asked what my greatest career accomplishment has been. There are some highlights I am very proud of in my short career so far – very cool clients I have worked with – and some memorable events. But what came to the top of my mind when I was answering the question was “paying my rent”. The opportunities just seem to happen naturally – somehow the process of making a living feels like the greater struggle of my life.
Becoming a full-time fashion illustrator sometimes seems more like an accident than an accomplishment. The blog was an experiment, created without an end goal or strategy, and ended up being a big part of my life. My work as a freelancer and odd-jobber has always seemed to be a default for me – ever since I was in school there was always side projects and a book full of scribbled invoices. Most of my clients find me indirectly. My experiences so far have favoured chance over choice.
The inflexible parts of my life – rent, internet bills, and the necessity of eating – I somehow manage to pay for on a regular basis despite my tendency to resist stability. There are times when I am not sure how this happens. Somehow the universe always sends me the right job at the right time. When it doesn’t, tenacity and frugality fill the gaps. It takes effort.
Since the no-plan plan seems to have worked for me okay so far, I have been content to go where the wind blows me. Yet, I have begun to suspect my tendency to avoid planning is disingenuous, that I have become too comfortable with unconsciousness. As much as I like being able to pay for my fixed expenses, I’d love to do better than that. Perhaps cultivating a certain ambition would make the things I accomplish even more satisfying than just getting away with doing what I do month by month.
Time to pick up the pace from an aimless meander to something more purposeful.